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I dont tell facebook or twitter my feelings but now here on tumblr, I will. Feel free to reply or ask about my feelings.

I have known this girl for 2 years. & shes not just some girl, she is THE girl. She is who I lay down at night and think about, who I have told I fucking hate you and than days later “i love you”, she is the girl who has complete control over my emotions and heart. Nobody knows about her because I am THAT shy when it comes to love, just talking about my relationships or anything about love, I blush. But, I love her with all my heart. We’ve been through so much and to be honest maybe only 5 of my friends really know it all. I dont trust anyone enough to talk to about me and her. In the beggining I was such an asshole, I didnt deserve her. I remember the first time I met her at Busch Gardens & I Dissed her… I was such a little cocky bitch. But than once I started losing her attention, she had all of mine, typical right? & I still remember on my 16th birthday she texted me “I know you’re at your birthday party but I just want you to know I really dont want you to replace me with another girl :/” that shit just broke me down, and all that little asshole in me vanished and I started falling so deeply for her. She betrayed me badly, after I got arrested she started talking to the girl who got me arrested. I told her mean ass shit like “You’re worthless and dont know shit about love, I hate everything you stand, I hate you”. We’ve argued and fought, hurt eachother so badly, but at the end of the day : she loved me when I was an asshole, when I had nobody, I could still go to her for advice and talk to her, she is the only female I know that can put up with my psychotic emotional self. She’s made me cry and hurt, yes. But, she has also made me the happiest girl everr. When we are together, its like we’ve been together for years. We are lovers and bestfriends. I’d do anything for her. & at this point in my life, Its been a LONG 2 years and I did let go, I set her free, and she still came back. I’ve left her life and I still come back. I love her. She’s the reason I told my mom I like girls, and if I lose her again, i know i’ll be okay but deep in my heart I will never let go foreal, I love her more than anything. She is the reason I know what LOVE is. & even though she isnt my official girl, she holds a spot in my heart nobody could ever steal. We’ve been trying to “work” on us & I just really hope we can work things out and be together. Ever since I lost her, I’ve lost me too. I’ve been a mess. I started poppin pills, drinking, smoking, I felt so empty without her. I just hope with all of my heart me and her will end of together. She is my everything, and though I’ve only lived 17 years, she so far IS the love of my life.

(Source: icouldbringmypain)